


4th of july

by Anonymous



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Acid Trips, Angst, Drugs, LSD, M/M, Metaphors, Self-Reflection, Weird Plot Shit, lots of metaphors, vent fic ig, wowie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:26:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28446876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Renjun stops walking, along with the boy, and he hums absentmindedly as he continues to look up. “I don’t actually know. Everything’s running, y’know?” He slurs as he trembles from the loud booms of the sparks crackling down onto the ground. The sky isn’t grey anymore, instead completely pitch black, only light coming from the rain. Sounds, looks, tastes like fireworks. Like the 4th of July. He hisses. “It’s so picky. Always going on like a never–ending book. I don’t even know what’s happening anymore. It’s all confusing and… I can’t keep still.”
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Kudos: 6
Collections: Anonymous





	4th of july

**Author's Note:**

> based off of 4th of july by soundgarden... the song itself is about an acid trip so i wrote this
> 
> i listened to that song on loop while making the first half of this, the second half i listened to outshined by soundgarden and the day i tried to live, also by soundgarden.
> 
> p.s. fic renjun is basically just me... except high on acid. donghyuck doesnt rly represent anyone, unless the voices in my head count. so ig he also represents a part of me

It’s raining. There’s sparks everywhere, saturated blue and pink falling down, from the smoky sky to the cold grass. The river below emits a small hue of grey, sparks diving into it as if they were getting baptized. Getting drowned in the name of God.

Renjun shivers in the cold, fully clothed but feeling as if he were naked. He breathes in and out, burning his lungs with every inhale. None of it feels real – It’s as if he were in a dream, focusing on reality for one second and then boom – He’s pulled back into the hazy dream.

He walks along the edge of the river, nearly falling over and dipping into it like a paintbrush from how terrible his sight is and how ill his legs feel. He can’t even walk properly, vision weak and indisposed. As he walks he hears a faint trace of a voice, maybe two, but the only one he can focus on is one that sounds high–pitched, dipped in gold and orange citrus.

“ _Alive_ ,” It– He says, and the voice sends shivers on his nape and down to his spine. “ _Breathe_ . _Speak_.”

Renjun looks up with squinting eyes – Albeit he does not know exactly why he’s even squinting – And stares at the colorful sparks. They breathe and crackle with life, and he opens his mouth and allows the bitter, metallic taste of the colorful rain to sit on his tongue and shove down his throat forcefully.

“Does it taste nice?” The voice says, and he takes a moment to look back his shoulder and sees a honey–skinned boy, fluffy golden locks covered in small sparks of rainbow colors. Yellow traces his eyelids, and a small, vibrant–colored hat sits on his head. He leans into Renjun’s face. “Tell me, Renjun. What’s it taste like?”

Renjun looks back up and laughs out of anxiety. He panics as he lets more sparks fly into his mouth. “Hell. I just want to get away from it all.”

It feels like the world is ending. The sparks fly down more now, like icey hail except in specks and different colors, no longer vibrant. No more blue and pink. Now it’s dark red and orange, dirt frosting them. Renjun grimaces. None of it makes sense to him, he truly doesn’t understand how him and the boy are so calm throughout the whole chaos.

“I bet,” The boy snickers, and Renjun turns back around to look at him. Like the rain, his outfit and hair changed from vibrant and playful to dark and crestfallen. “Shit sucks. Why do you think that is?”

Renjun stops walking, along with the boy, and he hums absentmindedly as he continues to look up. “I don’t actually know. Everything’s running, y’know?” He slurs as he trembles from the loud booms of the sparks crackling down onto the ground. The sky isn’t grey anymore, instead completely pitch black, only light coming from the rain. Sounds, looks, tastes like fireworks. Like the 4th of July. He hisses. “It’s so picky. Always going on like a never–ending book. I don’t even know what’s happening anymore. It’s all confusing and… I can’t keep still.”

The boy hums. “Then don’t.”

Renjun cocks an eyebrow, despite not being able to see anything. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t keep still,” The boy says. “Let it run. Let the book continue. Turn it into something positive. Look on the bright side.”

Renjun scratches on his wrists. “Nice advice… What’s your name?”

“Donghyuck,” The boy says, and when Renjun finally looks back down, he sees clearly again, mind clearing into reality once more.

Renjun panics. “Fuck– No. No, please, come back.”

Donghyuck taps him on the shoulder and turns him around. “I’m here.”

Renjun looks up to him as his mind falls back into a gloomy dream. He sobs, tears – Tears? More like ink – coming out of his eyes and going into his mouth, spicy on the flat of his tongue. “Don’t you care?” He asks, falling down onto his knees.

Donghyuck kneels down slowly in front of him. “Care? About what?”

Renjun sniffles. “The fire. It’s spreading.”

Donghyuck looks away. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Nobody does,” Renjun counters.

“Well,” Donghyuck cracks a smile at him. “Then we shouldn’t, either, no?”

Renjun picks at the grass beneath him, ink oozing out uncontrollably. His vision blurs as panic sets in him once more. He realizes its actually hailing – Metaphors aside, it’s really hailing – And he hyperventilates as it falls down onto his head and slides down his back, bruising pink and blue into his skin.

Donghyuck coos. “What’s wrong?”

Renjun shakes his head. “Too much, I can’t. I can’t turn this into beauty!” He presses his hands into his eyes and tries to shake thoughts away. “It’s too fast– Oh my god.”

The booms get louder. He sobs louder and tries to ignore the angry rumbling in his stomach – He won’t even dare to eat after this. Not even during. Even if he lets loose when he’s on acid, he’ll never chew on brown, greasy pieces of rashes.

“Are you scared?” Donghyuck asks, tone inviting and underlying with… Mockery? Renjun lets out a confused sob. “Are you scared of what’s gonna happen if you do? Or do you just not want to do it?”

Renjun screeches. “I don’t fucking know!”

Donghyuck hisses. “Fine, then fall asleep and ignore my advice,” He presses his foot to Renjun’s nape, so hard the smaller knows it’ll leave bruises. “Sleep. Rest. Keep procrastinating, starve and shiver to death.”

And shit, does that sound peaceful to Renjun. It’s definitely more peaceful than crying in the middle of a hail storm.

But still – Donghyuck is right with his words. Renjun shakes his head again “Don’t wanna,” He sniffles. “I’ll do anything. I just want it to stop.”

“Well it’s not going to stop on its own,” Donghyuck yells. “You’re in control. You’re the one who can decide whether it’s going to stop or not.”

Renjun blinks his tears away, reality coming to him as Donghyuck’s touch fades. “I want it to stop.”

“Then stand,” Donghyuck sighs. “Stand and take matters into your own hands.”

Renjun stands up, hail gone, bruises cleared, ink no longer falling out of his eyes. He focuses on the river below him. He sees his own reflection, but Donghyuck is not there anymore.

“You’re still _alive_ ,” Donghyuck whispers his last words into Renjun’s ear. “You have to keep _breathing_ . _Speak_ about it.”

Renjun closes his eyes as he feels Donghyuck’s grasp on him dissolving into thin air. He sighs dreamily.

He’s still alive. He has to keep breathing. He has to speak on it, talk about it, has to reshape the fire spreading into beauty, something good and positive.

He’s in control now. He yawns before shaking his head with vigor and continuing to walk back home, now slightly sober. Or at least, he thinks he is, because the voices aren’t there anymore.

It’s unfortunate, that it’s still running. But like Donghyuck said – He has to breathe and open up about it, has to keep going and replace the wilted flower with a blooming rose.

**Author's Note:**

> its so hard to try to control it but i know i have to turn it into beauty... so here i am. writing it out.
> 
> if you could understand the metaphors, im so sorry


End file.
